ALEXA: I NEED HELP

I want to increase my computer knowledge. I need a better job that will allow me do other things. I want to learn sewing. I need another apartment. I need to enrol in a music class... I need this, I need that, I want to do this, I want to do that. Too many things to do with little or no assistance....

How many can I achieve all by myself? How do I go about achieving all these. I've learnt something about myself...... I hardly get help from people, I always have to do it all by myself.

I wish families are there to assist, it would have been so easy and nice. I just need help, I need helping hands. Who do I run to apart from myself? Its just like I have everyone around me and still have to fix it all by myself. I need a job to help push my ministry, but its just a side hustle. I don't know what to do or who to run to. I need help so so so bad. I don't want to regret coming back here. The pressure is too much.

Seven good years, just like seven days, I've had to much experience for something to start taking place, I've tried all my very best to walk and run. I've fallen and risen, been hurt and healed, I've starved, been broken, weak, bullied, abused but I pick my broken piece and comfort myself.

Just me, myself and I. I've cried rivers and seen desert. Family made me feels like I picked the wrong choice. I've been promised and failed. I was hated and beaten blue black, my body have been bruised, flogged with broom and all sort of weeps, my hair have been pulled and dragged to the ground.

My relationship is not the way I want it to be so I have to make it work. I have no choice but to love above all. I need an answer to these few prayers of mine. I don't know where I'm heading to, I need a direction. the way is too narrow and full of thorns of all kinds.

My head hurts with so much thoughts, my eyes hurt with too much tears, huuummmm...... no amount of secret tears can help the situation.

O God, I just don't know how to express myself to you, use me as an evidence of change in my generation.....

Who's out there.....somebody....... anybody........I NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALEXA: WHAT DO YOU WANT

Hey, life is never the way we expects it to be.... Never had it funny, even though things fell apart or never goes my way, I still have to push through.

My name is Alexa and here is a little about my new life

My growing up was hell, but there is a God who sees me through at all time, no matter how hard it comes, I've always had a way out. But right now I'm so full of hate and resentment. Everything is coming so soon.

You don't have to be in a rush. Why rushing for what you'll live with for the rest of your life? Why working my body to the passion of your body. I'm changing, my body is growing older, stronger and vulnerable. I'm getting weak, feeling too much passion burning inside of me, thanks to your help.

I shake to ask you in, I'm scared to allow your touch. Why cant you see this through my eyes or feel it in your mind? Why are you letting go of your first promise? why is your body always hot when it comes around mine. Do you really think you love me? You do things this days that scares the peace out of my soul.

I wanna run away and never come back because you've broken my walls, taken my strength, destroyed my belief, shattered my hopes and have made me someone I wasn't ready to be now....If only I saw it coming this soon, even when I sensed the signs, I still never believed it.

Help! Help!! Help!!! is all I'm crying for now. We need help. From just a hug to cuddling, now we kiss so passionately that it scares me to even touch you further, in short no part of me is hidden anymore, all that remains now is for you to get me naked and put your damn whatever down here.

You cant help it anymore, your passion have grown out of control and I see it coming in no time you because you've worked my body t your rhythm, to the fire burning inside of you.

Logan, I'm talking to you. We need help. No more talking, you are too free, like its your right, like whatever happens, you don't care. Give me space you said no, give me time you're still saying no. I really need to put myself back. you finally wants to take the only thing I have left. Can that be love? Is that what you call love? I'm asking you Logan.

I have no education, no certificate, no handwork, no trade learnt, no money, no home, no friends, no close family or relatives. Thought I called you my friend.
My family said I was coming back to you just to get pregnant and you making my biggest fear to appear real. Is that what you want for us, you said no. Then, why can you just let go of me since the passion and the sex thing is getting too much

What is the big deal in letting go.  Why telling someone you love them when all you do is put them in pains.

you know I have so much killing me already. Sometimes I allow you to do that just to see if that will help take some of the pains and heart aches away, but each time we do that..,...they even get worse.

you promised not to come between me and my first love, but here you are doing the opposite and still having to courage to enter his presence with our smelling body, huummm.... What do you really want? I'm asking again. Do you want my down fall or my rising? You are killing me spiritually. Please help me and not use me.

I've told you before, go out there, you have my permission. Go and do whatever you want just to please your flesh, staying for ages wont help either of us. I've given you the hurtful freedom to do that. If you really want to get married to me, then you don't have to take away the only precious treasure I have left. You cant eat your cake and have it....never.

Please respect the space I asked for and I promise all will be well with us. I don't see us coming out of this well. please I beg you.

This is exactly the reason I broke up with my ex....every guy wants the same thing and its really killing me.......

Please help me so I can help you too.....................