Showing posts with label love life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love life. Show all posts
Monday, October 14, 2019
CRAVING FOR MORE OF YOU (MY ADDICTION)
Wednesday, October 9, 2019
MY ADDICTION
THIS IS ONE OF MY BIGGEST ADDICTION. I have been trying to get over it but the more i try the more i see myself into it.
It is so hard to get my eyes and mind off it, I try all I know how to. Sometimes I wonder why I have to go through all these every now and then.
I see the things you do everywhere I go, I feel them, I want them because they are enticing, mouth filling, eye catchy, body teasing and mind blowing.
I fight with these thoughts all day long. It get worse each time I get out of my house, as I have to deal with all of these everywhere and when I’m alone, I wonder why I feel this way for them.
My addiction makes me feel this way, the urge gets me wondering if I can live without it. It arouses every part of me. The way I feel about you makes me wonder if there is any possibility of surviving outside you.
You are everywhere I go. You have taken over my mind, my thought and even the way I do things.
You are the sweetest thing that has ever happened to me. You make me want to see another day. The feelings so tender and heartwarming, full of care and body wanting.
How else do I describe all your works and beauty, my Lord, Savior, King, Father and Friend.
From behind, I try to imagine your front, how sweet, tender and portable it would be. The more I get closer, the more I want to see and feel you.
From your side I wonder what artistic work was done on your by your hands and might. And when I’m in front of you....my addiction
MY ADDICTION to be continued...........
Tuesday, November 27, 2018
WHEN HE MET ME
It was all like a joke as I never wanted any man in my life and even if I do, not some one like him but the whole thing turned out differently, even much more than I ever thought.
I was on my own when he walked up to me and said, his dad is not a governor neither is he from a rich background but he'd love to help, he promise to give me money to sow seed in church (offering) every Sunday service. I looked at him with surprise because I never asked him anything and did not even know him or want anything from him.
He doesn't look like it, looking rough, not even my kind of man. He's dark, not tall. In fact he's just the opposite of all I want in a man.
I felt cold inside of me for the very first time but never understood what I have gotten myself into, so I said "huumm emm" well okay if its only what you've just said and not more than that. I realized what he meant weeks after.
As days went by the closeness grew. The more I tried to avoid him, the more I fall into him. I did all I could, instead I see myself running into him. So much happened then but he was always there even when I never knew or wanted him.
Every time I needed help, he was always there and the most surprising part of it all is that I never asked him for any help, never told him about any thing. How he gets to know even till this moment I still can't figure it. Its scares me every time I see him around me. He is just like an angel sent to me.
He shows up when I need him the most. I've never seen or been with a man like that, who knows and sees your pains and understands your cry even when you don't talk. Knows when to show up and that makes him appear to me like the perfect man.
I refuse to feel anything for him because I know all my walls and defences are broken even before he opens his mouth to ask which he never did because I never gave him the chance to. Always there with me and for me.
one day as he walked me home for church, I reminded him that he is doing too much and the he is just a friend. He got so upset with his response. I felt the pain in his tone. then I realized I have awaken something strong inside of him and now I can't control it, because I'm also awake and waiting for his first move.
Finally, it happened. I couldn't wait for him to finish what he was saying before I cut in but did not say yes because I became scared and worried about breaking the promises I made to myself and my commitment to other things. But he was just so persistent, bold, strong brave, intelligent, with lovely smile, above all, kind, caring, loving, patient and very understanding with lots of passion...…….
Woke up few days ago and realized that it is our 5 years anniversary……..to be continued
I was on my own when he walked up to me and said, his dad is not a governor neither is he from a rich background but he'd love to help, he promise to give me money to sow seed in church (offering) every Sunday service. I looked at him with surprise because I never asked him anything and did not even know him or want anything from him.
He doesn't look like it, looking rough, not even my kind of man. He's dark, not tall. In fact he's just the opposite of all I want in a man.
I felt cold inside of me for the very first time but never understood what I have gotten myself into, so I said "huumm emm" well okay if its only what you've just said and not more than that. I realized what he meant weeks after.
As days went by the closeness grew. The more I tried to avoid him, the more I fall into him. I did all I could, instead I see myself running into him. So much happened then but he was always there even when I never knew or wanted him.
Every time I needed help, he was always there and the most surprising part of it all is that I never asked him for any help, never told him about any thing. How he gets to know even till this moment I still can't figure it. Its scares me every time I see him around me. He is just like an angel sent to me.
He shows up when I need him the most. I've never seen or been with a man like that, who knows and sees your pains and understands your cry even when you don't talk. Knows when to show up and that makes him appear to me like the perfect man.
I refuse to feel anything for him because I know all my walls and defences are broken even before he opens his mouth to ask which he never did because I never gave him the chance to. Always there with me and for me.
one day as he walked me home for church, I reminded him that he is doing too much and the he is just a friend. He got so upset with his response. I felt the pain in his tone. then I realized I have awaken something strong inside of him and now I can't control it, because I'm also awake and waiting for his first move.
Finally, it happened. I couldn't wait for him to finish what he was saying before I cut in but did not say yes because I became scared and worried about breaking the promises I made to myself and my commitment to other things. But he was just so persistent, bold, strong brave, intelligent, with lovely smile, above all, kind, caring, loving, patient and very understanding with lots of passion...…….
Woke up few days ago and realized that it is our 5 years anniversary……..to be continued
Wednesday, September 12, 2018
Friday, August 24, 2018
ALEXA: WHAT IS LOVE
What is love, when all it brings is pain and hurt? I ask myself, hoping to get an answer. My heart is hurt and broken, no peace inside of me, then tell me how do I get the answer to all the questions running through my mind? Looking for tears but the sea never dries. I've cried out my eyes, wondering where all this is coming from. What have I done wrong.....where have I gone wrong? can anyone wake me from this dream, I still cant believe my eyes.
We never had any issue for a long time now and it was all going well in my relationship till the day I told him about how he spends his money, my money, our money. Yes its ours even though he worked for it. Thought love is what belongs to the man belongs to his wife. I was only concern about nit all because I know someday it will affect me as a woman in his life.
All I said was Shimori, how come you have spent so much in the last few days and you are broke..... He is my best friend, love and play mate so I could ask him anything as long as I care about him and about us. Rather it became a raging storm. He got very upset and walked out of the house. Shimori please don't go, don't walk out of me I begged him but he wouldn't listen. I had to let him go. He's very pissed.
He got back very late as usual and said nothing to me, as a woman that made me even worse and angrier but I had to keep cool. I asked him how his day went but he said nothing. I asked him for the second time, what's wrong? He said, nothing that he is fine. Ok, I get that. I kept mute and watch him do his thing. But as a woman, I'm not happy with all that is happening and his new attitude and was also thinking if he's still angry as he did not even call me the whole day. I laid on the bed with my nighties but still worried and unsure of what is going on with him. He finished up and turned of the light, laid on the bed beside me and said good night. This time he did not touch me, he did not hold me as he use to, he did not even use the same blanket as we've always done every night. This night is really different. I became very grieved and pained in my heart, held the tears and pain so I don't react and mess things up. Before anything he was already asleep and even snoring. God damn.....so annoying and irritating. I said my prayers and slept and tried not to bother myself.
I thought within myself, is he seeing another woman, is he listening to gossips, is he trying to test my patient, or did I really hurt him with what I said before he left for work? All these questions and more were running through my mind. Unlike him, wakes up and call me to pray with him before any other thing, but this time was different. He got up and walked straight to the bathroom, without a word and knowing that I'm awake. I got more worried and pissed which turned to anger and pain inside of me.
Shimori, I called him. He did not answer then I walked up to him and asked.... What is going on? Last Saturday we talked about this and I thought it was resolved, why are you still angry about the money issue? Does that mean I should never ask you about how you spend your money, what you sue it for or even how you get it? If that's what you want, then its fine by me. I promise no more questions about your income and what you use it for so we can live in peace but I must tell you, it can never be cool if I don't know and it will be very unfair of me if I don't ask. But if that's what you want then it fine by me. It really hurts to be in a relationship where you don't have any say...all you do is yes sir, no sir just like a robot. I am not ready for that kind of a man. Without saying anything more, I walked out of him, and the unexpected happened...........
We never had any issue for a long time now and it was all going well in my relationship till the day I told him about how he spends his money, my money, our money. Yes its ours even though he worked for it. Thought love is what belongs to the man belongs to his wife. I was only concern about nit all because I know someday it will affect me as a woman in his life.
All I said was Shimori, how come you have spent so much in the last few days and you are broke..... He is my best friend, love and play mate so I could ask him anything as long as I care about him and about us. Rather it became a raging storm. He got very upset and walked out of the house. Shimori please don't go, don't walk out of me I begged him but he wouldn't listen. I had to let him go. He's very pissed.
He got back very late as usual and said nothing to me, as a woman that made me even worse and angrier but I had to keep cool. I asked him how his day went but he said nothing. I asked him for the second time, what's wrong? He said, nothing that he is fine. Ok, I get that. I kept mute and watch him do his thing. But as a woman, I'm not happy with all that is happening and his new attitude and was also thinking if he's still angry as he did not even call me the whole day. I laid on the bed with my nighties but still worried and unsure of what is going on with him. He finished up and turned of the light, laid on the bed beside me and said good night. This time he did not touch me, he did not hold me as he use to, he did not even use the same blanket as we've always done every night. This night is really different. I became very grieved and pained in my heart, held the tears and pain so I don't react and mess things up. Before anything he was already asleep and even snoring. God damn.....so annoying and irritating. I said my prayers and slept and tried not to bother myself.
I thought within myself, is he seeing another woman, is he listening to gossips, is he trying to test my patient, or did I really hurt him with what I said before he left for work? All these questions and more were running through my mind. Unlike him, wakes up and call me to pray with him before any other thing, but this time was different. He got up and walked straight to the bathroom, without a word and knowing that I'm awake. I got more worried and pissed which turned to anger and pain inside of me.
Shimori, I called him. He did not answer then I walked up to him and asked.... What is going on? Last Saturday we talked about this and I thought it was resolved, why are you still angry about the money issue? Does that mean I should never ask you about how you spend your money, what you sue it for or even how you get it? If that's what you want, then its fine by me. I promise no more questions about your income and what you use it for so we can live in peace but I must tell you, it can never be cool if I don't know and it will be very unfair of me if I don't ask. But if that's what you want then it fine by me. It really hurts to be in a relationship where you don't have any say...all you do is yes sir, no sir just like a robot. I am not ready for that kind of a man. Without saying anything more, I walked out of him, and the unexpected happened...........
Friday, August 10, 2018
ALEXA: IDEAS FROM MY INSPIRATORS.
After trying all I could by myself and unable to get anywhere. I decided to seek for advise, which is the only and best option unless I want to see my ancestors before time. So I reached out to my mentors and my great source of inspiration.....you will not believe all I got from them. Here's what I took from them.
The first person that responded to my call is Maxwell Ivey Jr. who is a writer, blogger, an influencer and a podcaster. He is one of my greatest source of inspiration. He said to me that he think things would be easier on me and the rest of us if we didn’t have some people out there appearing to do it all and making it look easy. That I should be kind to myself and do what I want most or what I need most first. I am a special person. He have heard my music, so I shouldn't doubt it. What would I love to change about my job that would make it more enjoyable in the short term? Perhaps I and my supervisor or employer could talk about this. Though not every boss is willing to change or amend their policies but some are. Until I get there, I should know that he will always be there for me. That only gave me the courage to face one of my biggest fear, which is doubt.
While I was trying to redefine my path, here comes another woman I admire so much and here's her advise.....
Her name is Renee Radicioni Pavlus she said there are lot of people going through the same thing out there. That my story is like sounds like a lot of people’s story. She continued, the problem is, we think of all these things in our brain and minds, some of us look at the positive outcomes, and some of us look at their possibilities. I myself have spun around many times with 20 fingers in 20 pies, accomplishing very little, regretting, getting frustrated, and wondering why why why?
Well, recently I’ve had to learn that I needed to focus my point down, maybe taking on two challenges instead of 20. Maybe working out a plan, or maybe finding people to help me make this plan happen. No they might not be great things, but perhaps even little things are is important. It’s kind of like building our arsenal of talents, gifts, skills. It’s so easy to dream, Hope, plan ahead, but if we don’t define our Voice, purpose, or understand our reality good and bad, nothing will happen, absolutely nothing. I am a testimony to this, you know, having a spirit of willingness, having capabilities, or knowing that to accomplish certain things we need the help of others is part of our learning and growing experience.
So I am simplifying, I mean in the way and the tasks that I will take on and I’m also allowing myself to try to be a little more patient, or allowing for pitfalls, or in possibilities which often happens when you don’t see or when you need help learning new skills, or when you need help just progressing. Don’t be ashamed of asking for help, but choose the people you ask help from very wisely. Many people mean well, but when it comes down to actually achieving, accomplishing, and doing that either back off, try to help with some confusion, or get at flustered as we may be.
So, having said all this, baby steps, organized baby steps, looking and examining how you can achieve these baby steps, and looking at the barriers towards achieving them Chyna, working through each barrier one at a time. We feel so much better when we have achieved something, we feel so much better when we allow ourselves to ask for help in the kindest way possible, but do it in a realistic honest way, and don’t make your expectations too high, because that can also sabotage your progress, I know this, first hand.
I couldn't help it but pick my broken pieces, put it all together and solve the puzzle the world have created for me. I realized that I have to take it one stop at a time and to ask for help from the right people, not acting like I know it all.
From all these, I come to a conclusion that for one to stop existing and start live he or she needs to
The first person that responded to my call is Maxwell Ivey Jr. who is a writer, blogger, an influencer and a podcaster. He is one of my greatest source of inspiration. He said to me that he think things would be easier on me and the rest of us if we didn’t have some people out there appearing to do it all and making it look easy. That I should be kind to myself and do what I want most or what I need most first. I am a special person. He have heard my music, so I shouldn't doubt it. What would I love to change about my job that would make it more enjoyable in the short term? Perhaps I and my supervisor or employer could talk about this. Though not every boss is willing to change or amend their policies but some are. Until I get there, I should know that he will always be there for me. That only gave me the courage to face one of my biggest fear, which is doubt.
While I was trying to redefine my path, here comes another woman I admire so much and here's her advise.....
Her name is Renee Radicioni Pavlus she said there are lot of people going through the same thing out there. That my story is like sounds like a lot of people’s story. She continued, the problem is, we think of all these things in our brain and minds, some of us look at the positive outcomes, and some of us look at their possibilities. I myself have spun around many times with 20 fingers in 20 pies, accomplishing very little, regretting, getting frustrated, and wondering why why why?
Well, recently I’ve had to learn that I needed to focus my point down, maybe taking on two challenges instead of 20. Maybe working out a plan, or maybe finding people to help me make this plan happen. No they might not be great things, but perhaps even little things are is important. It’s kind of like building our arsenal of talents, gifts, skills. It’s so easy to dream, Hope, plan ahead, but if we don’t define our Voice, purpose, or understand our reality good and bad, nothing will happen, absolutely nothing. I am a testimony to this, you know, having a spirit of willingness, having capabilities, or knowing that to accomplish certain things we need the help of others is part of our learning and growing experience.
So I am simplifying, I mean in the way and the tasks that I will take on and I’m also allowing myself to try to be a little more patient, or allowing for pitfalls, or in possibilities which often happens when you don’t see or when you need help learning new skills, or when you need help just progressing. Don’t be ashamed of asking for help, but choose the people you ask help from very wisely. Many people mean well, but when it comes down to actually achieving, accomplishing, and doing that either back off, try to help with some confusion, or get at flustered as we may be.
So, having said all this, baby steps, organized baby steps, looking and examining how you can achieve these baby steps, and looking at the barriers towards achieving them Chyna, working through each barrier one at a time. We feel so much better when we have achieved something, we feel so much better when we allow ourselves to ask for help in the kindest way possible, but do it in a realistic honest way, and don’t make your expectations too high, because that can also sabotage your progress, I know this, first hand.
I couldn't help it but pick my broken pieces, put it all together and solve the puzzle the world have created for me. I realized that I have to take it one stop at a time and to ask for help from the right people, not acting like I know it all.
Yes I remember, of all the multiple choices in my head and things to do, DeAnna Lynn Rice asked me to pick one, the ones that speaks most, and you go with it. and Evelyn Faix said she is like that too but I have to start with one first and she suggested that the music lessons can be taken from an online website called musicvi.com. It’s music for the busily impaired I can buy the courses and they are very good I can also get them from the MLS Talking Books location for free computer classes you should go to Lighthouse.
Lastly Edwin Polini said I should only keep my eyes on JesusChrist who is the author and finisher of our faith.
- DECIDE
- CHOOSE
- ACT
- ASK
- FOCUS
- BELIEVE
- HAVE FAITH
The you'll find your way to success as you have a direction now
Thanks for the help......
Wednesday, August 8, 2018
ALEXA: I NEED HELP
I want to increase my computer knowledge. I need a better job that will allow me do other things. I want to learn sewing. I need another apartment. I need to enrol in a music class... I need this, I need that, I want to do this, I want to do that. Too many things to do with little or no assistance....
How many can I achieve all by myself? How do I go about achieving all these. I've learnt something about myself...... I hardly get help from people, I always have to do it all by myself.
I wish families are there to assist, it would have been so easy and nice. I just need help, I need helping hands. Who do I run to apart from myself? Its just like I have everyone around me and still have to fix it all by myself. I need a job to help push my ministry, but its just a side hustle. I don't know what to do or who to run to. I need help so so so bad. I don't want to regret coming back here. The pressure is too much.
Seven good years, just like seven days, I've had to much experience for something to start taking place, I've tried all my very best to walk and run. I've fallen and risen, been hurt and healed, I've starved, been broken, weak, bullied, abused but I pick my broken piece and comfort myself.
Just me, myself and I. I've cried rivers and seen desert. Family made me feels like I picked the wrong choice. I've been promised and failed. I was hated and beaten blue black, my body have been bruised, flogged with broom and all sort of weeps, my hair have been pulled and dragged to the ground.
My relationship is not the way I want it to be so I have to make it work. I have no choice but to love above all. I need an answer to these few prayers of mine. I don't know where I'm heading to, I need a direction. the way is too narrow and full of thorns of all kinds.
My head hurts with so much thoughts, my eyes hurt with too much tears, huuummmm...... no amount of secret tears can help the situation.
O God, I just don't know how to express myself to you, use me as an evidence of change in my generation.....
Who's out there.....somebody....... anybody........I NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!
How many can I achieve all by myself? How do I go about achieving all these. I've learnt something about myself...... I hardly get help from people, I always have to do it all by myself.
I wish families are there to assist, it would have been so easy and nice. I just need help, I need helping hands. Who do I run to apart from myself? Its just like I have everyone around me and still have to fix it all by myself. I need a job to help push my ministry, but its just a side hustle. I don't know what to do or who to run to. I need help so so so bad. I don't want to regret coming back here. The pressure is too much.
Seven good years, just like seven days, I've had to much experience for something to start taking place, I've tried all my very best to walk and run. I've fallen and risen, been hurt and healed, I've starved, been broken, weak, bullied, abused but I pick my broken piece and comfort myself.
Just me, myself and I. I've cried rivers and seen desert. Family made me feels like I picked the wrong choice. I've been promised and failed. I was hated and beaten blue black, my body have been bruised, flogged with broom and all sort of weeps, my hair have been pulled and dragged to the ground.
My relationship is not the way I want it to be so I have to make it work. I have no choice but to love above all. I need an answer to these few prayers of mine. I don't know where I'm heading to, I need a direction. the way is too narrow and full of thorns of all kinds.
My head hurts with so much thoughts, my eyes hurt with too much tears, huuummmm...... no amount of secret tears can help the situation.
O God, I just don't know how to express myself to you, use me as an evidence of change in my generation.....
Who's out there.....somebody....... anybody........I NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, August 6, 2018
ALEXA: WHAT DO YOU WANT
Hey, life is never the way we expects it to be.... Never had it funny, even though things fell apart or never goes my way, I still have to push through.
My name is Alexa and here is a little about my new life
My growing up was hell, but there is a God who sees me through at all time, no matter how hard it comes, I've always had a way out. But right now I'm so full of hate and resentment. Everything is coming so soon.
You don't have to be in a rush. Why rushing for what you'll live with for the rest of your life? Why working my body to the passion of your body. I'm changing, my body is growing older, stronger and vulnerable. I'm getting weak, feeling too much passion burning inside of me, thanks to your help.
I shake to ask you in, I'm scared to allow your touch. Why cant you see this through my eyes or feel it in your mind? Why are you letting go of your first promise? why is your body always hot when it comes around mine. Do you really think you love me? You do things this days that scares the peace out of my soul.
I wanna run away and never come back because you've broken my walls, taken my strength, destroyed my belief, shattered my hopes and have made me someone I wasn't ready to be now....If only I saw it coming this soon, even when I sensed the signs, I still never believed it.
Help! Help!! Help!!! is all I'm crying for now. We need help. From just a hug to cuddling, now we kiss so passionately that it scares me to even touch you further, in short no part of me is hidden anymore, all that remains now is for you to get me naked and put your damn whatever down here.
You cant help it anymore, your passion have grown out of control and I see it coming in no time you because you've worked my body t your rhythm, to the fire burning inside of you.
Logan, I'm talking to you. We need help. No more talking, you are too free, like its your right, like whatever happens, you don't care. Give me space you said no, give me time you're still saying no. I really need to put myself back. you finally wants to take the only thing I have left. Can that be love? Is that what you call love? I'm asking you Logan.
I have no education, no certificate, no handwork, no trade learnt, no money, no home, no friends, no close family or relatives. Thought I called you my friend.
My family said I was coming back to you just to get pregnant and you making my biggest fear to appear real. Is that what you want for us, you said no. Then, why can you just let go of me since the passion and the sex thing is getting too much
What is the big deal in letting go. Why telling someone you love them when all you do is put them in pains.
you know I have so much killing me already. Sometimes I allow you to do that just to see if that will help take some of the pains and heart aches away, but each time we do that..,...they even get worse.
you promised not to come between me and my first love, but here you are doing the opposite and still having to courage to enter his presence with our smelling body, huummm.... What do you really want? I'm asking again. Do you want my down fall or my rising? You are killing me spiritually. Please help me and not use me.
I've told you before, go out there, you have my permission. Go and do whatever you want just to please your flesh, staying for ages wont help either of us. I've given you the hurtful freedom to do that. If you really want to get married to me, then you don't have to take away the only precious treasure I have left. You cant eat your cake and have it....never.
Please respect the space I asked for and I promise all will be well with us. I don't see us coming out of this well. please I beg you.
This is exactly the reason I broke up with my ex....every guy wants the same thing and its really killing me.......
Please help me so I can help you too.....................
My growing up was hell, but there is a God who sees me through at all time, no matter how hard it comes, I've always had a way out. But right now I'm so full of hate and resentment. Everything is coming so soon.
You don't have to be in a rush. Why rushing for what you'll live with for the rest of your life? Why working my body to the passion of your body. I'm changing, my body is growing older, stronger and vulnerable. I'm getting weak, feeling too much passion burning inside of me, thanks to your help.
I shake to ask you in, I'm scared to allow your touch. Why cant you see this through my eyes or feel it in your mind? Why are you letting go of your first promise? why is your body always hot when it comes around mine. Do you really think you love me? You do things this days that scares the peace out of my soul.
I wanna run away and never come back because you've broken my walls, taken my strength, destroyed my belief, shattered my hopes and have made me someone I wasn't ready to be now....If only I saw it coming this soon, even when I sensed the signs, I still never believed it.
Help! Help!! Help!!! is all I'm crying for now. We need help. From just a hug to cuddling, now we kiss so passionately that it scares me to even touch you further, in short no part of me is hidden anymore, all that remains now is for you to get me naked and put your damn whatever down here.
You cant help it anymore, your passion have grown out of control and I see it coming in no time you because you've worked my body t your rhythm, to the fire burning inside of you.
Logan, I'm talking to you. We need help. No more talking, you are too free, like its your right, like whatever happens, you don't care. Give me space you said no, give me time you're still saying no. I really need to put myself back. you finally wants to take the only thing I have left. Can that be love? Is that what you call love? I'm asking you Logan.
I have no education, no certificate, no handwork, no trade learnt, no money, no home, no friends, no close family or relatives. Thought I called you my friend.
My family said I was coming back to you just to get pregnant and you making my biggest fear to appear real. Is that what you want for us, you said no. Then, why can you just let go of me since the passion and the sex thing is getting too much
What is the big deal in letting go. Why telling someone you love them when all you do is put them in pains.
you know I have so much killing me already. Sometimes I allow you to do that just to see if that will help take some of the pains and heart aches away, but each time we do that..,...they even get worse.
you promised not to come between me and my first love, but here you are doing the opposite and still having to courage to enter his presence with our smelling body, huummm.... What do you really want? I'm asking again. Do you want my down fall or my rising? You are killing me spiritually. Please help me and not use me.
I've told you before, go out there, you have my permission. Go and do whatever you want just to please your flesh, staying for ages wont help either of us. I've given you the hurtful freedom to do that. If you really want to get married to me, then you don't have to take away the only precious treasure I have left. You cant eat your cake and have it....never.
Please respect the space I asked for and I promise all will be well with us. I don't see us coming out of this well. please I beg you.
This is exactly the reason I broke up with my ex....every guy wants the same thing and its really killing me.......
Please help me so I can help you too.....................
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