MY ADDICTION

THIS IS ONE OF MY BIGGEST ADDICTION. I have been trying to get over it but the more i try the more i see myself into it.

It is so hard to get my eyes and mind off it, I try all I know how to. Sometimes I wonder why I have to go through all these every now and then. I see the things you do everywhere I go, I feel them, I want them because they are enticing, mouth filling, eye catchy, body teasing and mind blowing. I fight with these thoughts all day long. It get worse each time I get out of my house, as I have to deal with all of these everywhere and when I’m alone, I wonder why I feel this way for them. My addiction makes me feel this way, the urge gets me wondering if I can live without it. It arouses every part of me. The way I feel about you makes me wonder if there is any possibility of surviving outside you. You are everywhere I go. You have taken over my mind, my thought and even the way I do things. You are the sweetest thing that has ever happened to me. You make me want to see another day. The feelings so tender and heartwarming, full of care and body wanting.

How else do I describe all your works and beauty, my Lord, Savior, King, Father and Friend. From behind, I try to imagine your front, how sweet, tender and portable it would be. The more I get closer, the more I want to see and feel you. From your side I wonder what artistic work was done on your by your hands and might. And when I’m in front of you....my addiction

MY ADDICTION to be continued...........

WHEN HE MET ME

It was all like a joke as I never wanted any man in my life and even if I do, not some one like him but the whole thing turned out differently, even much more than I ever thought.

I was on my own when he walked up to me and said, his dad is not a governor neither is he from a rich background but he'd love to help, he promise to give me money to sow seed in church (offering) every Sunday service. I looked at him with surprise because I never asked him anything and did not even know him or want anything from him.

He doesn't look like it, looking rough, not even my kind of man. He's dark, not tall. In fact he's just the opposite of all I want in a man.

I felt cold inside of me for the very first time but never understood what I have gotten myself into, so I said "huumm emm" well okay if its only what you've just said and not more than that. I realized what he meant weeks after.

As days went by the closeness grew. The more I tried to avoid him, the more I fall into him. I did all I could, instead I see myself running into him. So much happened then but he was always there even when I never knew or wanted him.

Every time I needed help, he was always there and the most surprising part of it all is that I never asked him for any help, never told him about any thing. How he gets to know even till this moment I still can't figure it. Its scares me every time I see him around me. He is just like an angel sent to me.

He shows up when I need him the most. I've never seen or been with a man like that, who knows and sees your pains and understands your cry even when you don't talk. Knows when to show up and that makes him appear to me like the perfect man.

I refuse to feel anything for him because I know all my walls and defences are broken even before he opens his mouth to ask which he never did because I never gave him the chance to. Always there with me and for me.

one day as he walked me home for church, I reminded him that he is doing too much and the he is just a friend. He got so upset with his response. I felt the pain in his tone. then I realized I have awaken something strong inside of him and now I can't control it, because I'm also awake and waiting for his first move.

Finally, it happened. I couldn't wait for him to finish what he was saying before I cut in but did not say yes because I became scared and worried about breaking the promises I made to myself and my commitment to other things. But he was just so persistent, bold, strong brave, intelligent, with lovely smile, above all, kind, caring, loving, patient and very understanding with lots of passion...…….

Woke up few days ago and realized that it is our 5 years anniversary……..to be continued

ALEXA: WHAT DO YOU WANT

Hey, life is never the way we expects it to be.... Never had it funny, even though things fell apart or never goes my way, I still have to push through.

My name is Alexa and here is a little about my new life

My growing up was hell, but there is a God who sees me through at all time, no matter how hard it comes, I've always had a way out. But right now I'm so full of hate and resentment. Everything is coming so soon.

You don't have to be in a rush. Why rushing for what you'll live with for the rest of your life? Why working my body to the passion of your body. I'm changing, my body is growing older, stronger and vulnerable. I'm getting weak, feeling too much passion burning inside of me, thanks to your help.

I shake to ask you in, I'm scared to allow your touch. Why cant you see this through my eyes or feel it in your mind? Why are you letting go of your first promise? why is your body always hot when it comes around mine. Do you really think you love me? You do things this days that scares the peace out of my soul.

I wanna run away and never come back because you've broken my walls, taken my strength, destroyed my belief, shattered my hopes and have made me someone I wasn't ready to be now....If only I saw it coming this soon, even when I sensed the signs, I still never believed it.

Help! Help!! Help!!! is all I'm crying for now. We need help. From just a hug to cuddling, now we kiss so passionately that it scares me to even touch you further, in short no part of me is hidden anymore, all that remains now is for you to get me naked and put your damn whatever down here.

You cant help it anymore, your passion have grown out of control and I see it coming in no time you because you've worked my body t your rhythm, to the fire burning inside of you.

Logan, I'm talking to you. We need help. No more talking, you are too free, like its your right, like whatever happens, you don't care. Give me space you said no, give me time you're still saying no. I really need to put myself back. you finally wants to take the only thing I have left. Can that be love? Is that what you call love? I'm asking you Logan.

I have no education, no certificate, no handwork, no trade learnt, no money, no home, no friends, no close family or relatives. Thought I called you my friend.
My family said I was coming back to you just to get pregnant and you making my biggest fear to appear real. Is that what you want for us, you said no. Then, why can you just let go of me since the passion and the sex thing is getting too much

What is the big deal in letting go.  Why telling someone you love them when all you do is put them in pains.

you know I have so much killing me already. Sometimes I allow you to do that just to see if that will help take some of the pains and heart aches away, but each time we do that..,...they even get worse.

you promised not to come between me and my first love, but here you are doing the opposite and still having to courage to enter his presence with our smelling body, huummm.... What do you really want? I'm asking again. Do you want my down fall or my rising? You are killing me spiritually. Please help me and not use me.

I've told you before, go out there, you have my permission. Go and do whatever you want just to please your flesh, staying for ages wont help either of us. I've given you the hurtful freedom to do that. If you really want to get married to me, then you don't have to take away the only precious treasure I have left. You cant eat your cake and have it....never.

Please respect the space I asked for and I promise all will be well with us. I don't see us coming out of this well. please I beg you.

This is exactly the reason I broke up with my ex....every guy wants the same thing and its really killing me.......

Please help me so I can help you too.....................